It Takes Two

Over the years I have come in contact with those, who for some reason or another, want to engage me in a verbal argument. I have done rather well in maintaining my composure and not “giving in”. The most recent incident occurred two days ago,  when I was dealing with a first time vendor.

I placed an order for a service and asked the woman who was handling the account to fax over an invoice [and credit card authorization form, if necessary]so that I could make payment. “Pay first! ” she snapped. I told her I needed to confirm the charge amount  and that the order was correct before I made payment.  She proceeded to scream and hurl as many insults as she could – “You don’t know what you’re doing!”, “You’re worthless!”, etc.

Without raising the tone of my voice to match hers, I told her to calm down and let me call my boss to get authorization to pay her because this was our procedure for everything we purchase. “Well, your procedure is wrong!”  “Who hired you?”, etc… Even with her rudeness and unprofessionalism, I wasn’t going to hang up on her, but told her I would call her back after I spoke to him. “No, I’m not hanging up until you pay me!”  She was making it extremely difficult to complete the transaction, and even said she was going to have me fired. Still, I wasn’t going to let her change my demeanor.  I said, “God Bless you and have a wonderful day,” after I gave her our credit card information.

Approximately five minutes later, she called back with these words [paraphrasing], “I called back to apologize. I am so sorry for the way I spoke to you.  I get like that, sometimes. You were just doing your job  and I had no right to speak to you that way. It was a pleasure doing business with you and I hope you have a great day.

Not all scenarios will end the same way, but the point of  the story and my ‘Thought for Thursday’ is that IT TAKES TWO people to engage in an argument.  If someone approaches you with an attitude, negative disposition or intentionally or unintentionally tries to ruffle your feathers – don’t let them. The natural response may be, “I’m not going to allow someone to speak to me that way – which no one should; but, if you both go at it tit-for-tat there will be no resolution to the situation. Things will inevitably escalate and make matters worse.  If there is no talking to the person or calming them down, let them rant and rave by themselves.  Sometimes, an earlier situation may be the cause of them “snapping” for no reason and you are just the person they choose to release their frustrations upon. Regardless of the reason, nothing positive can come from two, or more, people yelling back and forth at each other. No one gets heard.

Remember if you respond to negativity with negativity, the outcome will NEVER be a good one. However, if you stay positive and pleasant, there is a probable chance that there will be a positive outcome…and perhaps even an apology to come your way. 🙂

I have received many responses to many of the posts on this blog, thus far. However, may I request that you please reply in the comment section of the blog  – as opposed to on Twitter, Facebook, emails, etc. – so that all responses will be together. Your comment may be helpful to others who come across something that they can relate to. You can comment anonymously.

Thank you and many blessings.


2 thoughts on “It Takes Two

  1. I haven’t been able to get to this place yet! I am a person who NEVER approaches a situation in a nasty way and I try to stay positive as long as I can….BUT….there is a point I reach where I find it difficult, if not impossible to contain myself and I will join in the melee. The only time I remember not responding the way I wanted to was when I was dealing with someone that I needed to get some financial stuff (that THEY had messed up) straight and I did get an apology at the end of the very lengthy process. That was a while ago and I find that still, if I am not spoken to respectfully, I cannot let it go. You were an angel for dealing with that situation the way you did!

    • I totally understand what you’re stating. Trust me. That woman was extremely disrespectful and, it was very upsetting. I don’t tolerate being disrespected, but, if it goes too far, I make a conscious choice to bite my tongue and try to resolve the situation as peacefully, as possible. Regarding being disrespected, I can only recall three instances in my life [there may be more, but, I can’t recall any others, at the moment], where my emotional instinct made me to react, seconds before I had a chance to think about what I was about to do. In the late 80’s a co-worker did something sneaky [work related] and I kicked a door; In 1996, a boyfriend said something to me, and I said a curse word [then cried because it broke my no cursing rule hahaha;] and, the third time was in 1996 when I felt disrespected, I threw a plate of food in the sink and then apologized and cleaned it up.

      Most things aren’t that much of a big deal to even get all wound-up about, which is why if it’s possible to walk away from the situation, I do. If it’s not possible, I just let the other person vent, ramble, etc. I’ve never been a ‘yeller’ or confrontational person, so that may also be a reason why it’s easier for me to keep my composure.

      BTW, I wouldn’t say I was an angel. If it wasn’t work related, I most likely would have excused myself from the conversation a lot earlier…still ending with “God bless you. Have a nice day”, of course. 🙂

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